Tears are a mysterious shadow of our growth and maturity. Crying accompanies us from the day we are born. Imagine the reaction of a midwife when the baby she had just delivered the mother of fails to cry. She would go extra length and breadth to get the baby to cry because that is perceived as an acoustic umbilical cord. Just as the umbilical cord is the channel through which a baby's need is cared for in the womb, crying of a baby signals that a situation needs to be attended to. Surprisingly, this crying is not accompanied by tears!
Why then do we shed tears as we grow?
Is there no better language of communication as adults? What happened to our mother tongue and the various languages we learnt through socialization?
There are 3 different type of tears, or so I've learnt.
Basal tears which is the fluid that spreads across our eyes when we blink, hence protecting and improving our eyesight.
Reflex tears which flood our eyes when irritating substances get into them. They are also associated with reflex actions such as yawning or uncontrollable laughter.
Then, emotional tears, ( which this piece is mainly focusing on) are the tears we shed when we feel strong emotions. Reactions provoke tears and that is why we cry when we are grieved, angry, frustrated etc; but euphoria, relief, achievements likewise provoke emotional tears.
Crying becomes a powerful nonverbal language because it stirs up reaction and its sometimes contagious. Crying is a language because people understand it and everyone speaks it. We have different languages and so do we have different ways of crying. The language we use tells a lot about us, likewise crying. There is a clear difference between a person speaking his or her native language from another who learnt it and so there is a difference between genuine tears and crocodile tears. It is stored in our subconscious memory that we communicate using languages, but mind you, crying is also a channel of communication because it alerts us that someone is suffering or going through emotional stress even though we might not be directly told. The book "Adult Crying" explains that "crying is a way of saying so much in such a brief interval".
Just as we want to get responses when we communicate verbally, we also want people to respond to our tears. Whatever the cause of our tears, we want people to be moved and come to our emotional rescue. Most times, all we need is a warm embrace and an assurance that everything is going to be alright; but take note, the way other people respond to our tears plays a pivotal role in the comforting process. When our tears move someone to comfort us, we feel relieved but if the response to our tears is not warm, we may feel ashamed or rejected.
Clearly, mysteries about crying remain! Why do we cry when we watch imaginary fictions in a film or a book we read? Why do we cry when we see others crying even if we do not know the cause of their tears? Why do we cry when we achieve success, what people call tears of joy.
The reason being that when our body is alerted by our minds that a particular emotion is flooded up in its system, the first reflex action taken is increase of fluids in the tear gland and hence crying.
This is a natural phenomenon which in recent times has been challenged culturally and stereotypically. " The Berima Nsu syndrome" is what I call it. A syndrome because it is a symptom of psychological alertness. If we systematically hold back our tears, it may damage our health and consciousness and "guys" are no exception. There is a tendency that the male species are emotionally stronger and they serve as comforters to the vulnerable species, women. That not withstanding, men also need comfort ( it is a reciprocal process) and if denied, then their inward chamber and pillows take the blame.
Crying is an effective way of making us feel better and relieved from whatever emotional stress we are experiencing. Feel free to cry whenever the need arises without feeling ashamed. Drink more water, develop more tears in your gland, cry often and afterwards, take a deep breath and see things more clearly, in their true perspective, without being swayed by hidden emotions!
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